With the New Year I'm making a new beginning.  Visit me here.  No account needed to leave comments either!  I love you guys that much!

I'm still pretty depressed but I'm getting there.  --Xanax-- helped me get through the first couple days, thanks sis.  I don't think I've cried since Monday... 

Anywho...

J came up Friday night and he bought me a dozen red roses in a vase...they were sympathy flowers.  When I read the card, he started crying and I started crying.  This would be the first time I've ever seen him cry...it was nice to know that he does, because I seem to be crying all the time.  They are also very meaningful because he once told me that he would never buy anyone fresh flowers because they are a waste of money.  We wound up at the bar until closing time, it was the first time I'd ever gotten drunk off of Malibu.  I can drink a ton of that stuff and be fine, I must have drunk 2 tons Friday night.

Saturday we drove to the Millcreek Mall in Erie, PA and I proceeded to drag J through every department store in the mall and could not find black and white comforters for the girls, everything had brown in it.  Ugh!  We wound up going to Target, I found one I loved for Colleen and one for Simone that I didn't care for it too much but she seems to like it.  I also got the girls sheets at Target.  We then went to Bed, Bath & Beyond and to Marshalls to see if I could find a different comforter for Simone but no luck.  We got to Erie around 2:30 and we had to be at the comedy club by 7 pm so we were pretty rushed but we made it to the club about 20 minutes early and got drinks and dinner.  On our way home we stopped at the Wal-Mart in Edinboro and I bought the girls a bunch of "Santa" presents. 

Sunday I went to The Boot Box to get J's gifts; hunting boots, Carhartt zip-up hoodie, and a gift card.  I spent close to $400.  I then went to Wal-Mart in town and got gifts for his niece, nephew and mom.  Then I had to come into work and do payroll but it only took 1/2 hour and J was off gun shopping anyway.  We got home about the same time.  I wrapped gifts while he perused the internet for hunting crap.  My sister came over for a little bit and then me and J watched a movie.  My mom came over and helped me clean the girls rooms and put up their new curtains and make their beds with all their new stuff.

Monday we drove to Pittsburgh and got there around 2:30.  We went to his moms to drop off gifts but everyone was sleeping so we went to J's house and had lunch and watched some TV then we headed back over to his moms and then it was off to his aunt's house for their Christmas get together.  I've pretty much met most of J's dad's side of the family now.  J doesn't really talk to his mom's side too much.  We drove back home after the party and didn't get to bed till about 1:30 am. 

Tuesday, Christmas, J slept in and I got up and picked up the house a little, did some laundry and what not.  The girls got home around 3 pm and my sister came over.  The girls opened their gifts and checked out their "new" rooms then we were off to my moms for dinner and our gift exchange. 

Here is my list of Christmas presents I got, I think I made out pretty good:

From J:
Journey diamond necklace
Fuzzy green bath robe
Satiny Victoria Secret pajama set (the pants are just a little snug, so they will be going back)
VS Lingerie (what was he thinking?)
$50 gift card to Home Depot
$100 in a beautiful card

From my sister-in-law (she pulled my name for the gift exchange):
$100 gift card to Old Navy
Bissell Revolution Pet Vacuum

From my sister (just cuz she saw it and thought of me):
Super soft velour blanket for the living room
(the blanket I have in the living room currently...smells like Taco so it makes me cry but I don't want to wash it either.)

From Simone's Grand-parents:
A Columbia Jacket (yeah!)

From Simone:
Matching Gloves for the jacket
Bath wash set

From Colleen:
Hideously tacky watch (of course I pretended to love it!)
Scrap Book...which she filled out with all her information...so I guess it will be all about her.

From J's Mom:
$50 (I bought a throw blanket and a Joss Stone CD, and I've still got some money left.)
From my fabulous co-worker in our Massachusettes office:
$30 gift card to Old Navy

From co-workers in my office:
Large Jar Candle (Holly Berry Scent)
Bath stuff (Same as every year, I could open a store)

My sister and Mom are going shopping today and they took my girls with them.  J gave both the girls $50 and his mom gave them each $15, I really hope they don't spend it on more toys...I don't have room for the ones they have now.  J will be going home tonight but will be back on Friday and will be staying through New Year's Day, it's been nice being able to spend so much time with him. 

Well, I hope you all had a Merry Christmas. 

Takeo aka The Taco Dog slept with angels last night.  It was a car.  He was still breathing and I rushed him to vet but he was taking his last breaths as we carried him back to the exam room.  I spent an hour with his body and it was so hard to leave, I would have stayed all night but that wouldn't have been healthy.  He will be cremated.  I picked out a nice urn and got an engraved plaque that says:

Takeo
Sleep with Angels
12/18/07

I am a horrible wreck right now and all I want to do is stop thinking.  I'd love to reminisce about him and all the things I loved about him but I just can't do it right now.  I haven't slept or ate.  I can't pull my shit together and all I do is cry.  Fuck, this is way harder than anything.  Putting Annie down pales in comparison to the way this feels.  Taco was my best friend, my bed warmer, my everything.  I used to lay there with him and think about how hard it was going to be when he got old and died...but not this, this fucking sucks.

The bad luck I mean. 

We got pounded with snow and icy rain over the weekend.  We got a good foot of snow and where it has drifted is well up to my knees.  So anyway, last night at 10:30 pm I cleared a foot of snow off my truck and then again this morning I cleared another 3-4 inches off and then I started the truck up to defrost the ice for about an hour.  So I get in the trick to go to work and the next thing I know there is a big ole crack in the windshield.  Ya know, I really don't think I'm a horrible person or anything so I shouldn't be having all this horrible karma biting me in the ass every time I turn around.  I also took a good 15-20 minutes to shovel a path from the house to the road so the girls didn't have to walk through the snow to get to the bus and wouldn't you know it, as soon as I finished my neighbor came over and started plowing my driveway.  Ugh, what a waste of my time and effort.

We didn't do much this weekend.  The girls had their little mini repeat performance of their Christmas recital so J and I went to that and I posted pictures and I so hate my camera.  I had to use the zoom and the pictures looked great in the viewer but when I downloaded them to the computer they came out all fuzzy.  Then J and I went to lunch and to do a little pre-christmas shopping browsing.  I got a gift for Colleen's gift exchange at school and J picked up a gift for his nephew and we bought some wrapping paper and bows. 

My idea for the girls presents are to find things for their rooms (e.g. comforters, blankets, sheets, curtains, pillows, etc.)  The problem is I have an idea in my head and everytime I find something I want to get, they either have really bad reviews or they are out of stock and don't sell them at the local stores.  It is really frustrating me.  I want to do Simone's room in black, white and purple and Colleen's in black, white and pink.  I ordered their curtains from Wal-Mart (black velvet, oh la la.)  I can pick up the pillows anywhere.  I ordered the blankets from JC Penney (black microplush, mmmm furry.)  I found awesome looking comforters at walmart.com but I saw one of them at Wal-Mart and it was hideous so I don't want to order the one I found for Colleen because I'm afraid it will be ugly also.  So now, I am going to have to run all over Erie (town, 45 minutes away) to find them comforters and then sheets to match.  I'm thinking about getting black/white comforters and then bright purple/pink sheets.  I also have to get them a few things from Santa but that should be relatively easy since I've already got them a couple things ordered and they both need new socks and underwear, and I thought some new posters or framed prints for their walls would be nice because right now they have all kinds of random crap hung up and it doesn't look nice at all.  I still have no idea what to get J.  I am getting the nephew a couple outfits and my mom is getting 2 gift certificates, one I am getting in town for a spa-day and the other I am getting as an E-Gift certificate to a website where she orders some of her clothes so she can get new shoes, a coat or a nightgown (things she needs,) so I can order that as late as X-Mas eve.

Oh and yes, bonuses will be on time.  I should know how big mine is as of tomorrow.  I wished the would tack on an extra $1500 just to pay for all the crap I need to get done for my truck...new windshield, deductible for hit and run accident and a new wheel bearing.  I can't win I tell ya, I just can't.

Ok, it's not the best picture, and I'm not having the greatest hair-day, but here it is.

My Email:

Are the Profit Sharing Bonuses going to be ready for December 21st?

-Susan

His Email:

I am trying to meet this date.

Thanks,
Bossman

Don't thank me, don't say try.  Nothing like being vague, I say. 

I'd love to get a new job but there are some things holding back that decision:
1)  Possibly moving...if J ever finds us a house.  If we move near Pittsburgh, I know I have a job.  It's good to have friends in high places.
2)  Starting a new job is SCARY and I have job security here.
3) Waiting 3 months to have health insurance again.
4) Will new job have bonuses?  I really like them...when they are on time.
5)  I really don't know what I would do.  I'd like to do something I like (Graphic Design?), unfortunately I'm not exactly qualified for much.

Don't worry though, it is in the back of my mind and I'm sure the time will come eventually, hopefully before I go postal.  ;)

I'm not in the best of places today.  Feel free to skip this entry.  I just need to vent a little.

My job is stressing me out and I'm starting to hate this company.  Management sucks, and I keep getting stuck in the middle of it.  I'm tired of being blown off and made to feel stupid.  I don't want to care anymore. 

It looks like Christmas bonuses are not going to be on time...therefore, no Christmas at my house.  I'd love to have my boss explain to my children why there are no presents this year.  Let him tell my 7 y.o. that Santa doesn't exist and mommy can't buy her presents because he is an asshole who makes plenty of money and therefore does not have to give a shit about his underpaid employees who bust their asses to turn a profit in which they are entitled too a portion of but he doesn't care whether or not they actually get it as long as his fat paycheck keeps rolling in every week.  And I know my boss, he will wait until the day they are to be handed out to tell everyone that they will not be getting one or he won't say anything at all and just work from home that day.  Well, I'm trying to nip that one in the bud.  I sent him an email and straight out asked.  We will see what his reply is, if I even get one.  Hell, I may even lose my job over it.  I doubt it, but no one else will ask him because they are afraid that they would lose their job.  Lets hope I have enough job security to endure it.

In other news, the Christmas party was good.  Same as every year past.  There will be no pictures though as there was only 2 of J and I taken and they are not flattering in the least.  I'm going on a diet and keeping a daily food log and J said he would get me a treadmill.  I need to do something fast.  I feel like crap, I look worse and it is getting me down...er.  I can't even get a good picture of my haircut.  It looks great in the mirror but doesn't not translate well on the camera.  Oh and to top it off I have a sty of my left lower eyelid and it hurts like a beeyotch.

I'm so tired of the drama that is my life. 

1) Got a haircut.  It's cute.
2) Damage to truck is estimated at $3,325.58.
3) Christmas Party (company) is tomorrow...pictures to follow.
4) After visiting 4 of the 5 clothing stores near here, I had no shirt for said party.  Of course I found several options at the fifth.  Ugh.
5) All month-end reports and crap are done.  I rock. 
6) Real nervous that the boss man will not have bonuses ready before Christmas...not freaking out yet but getting there.
7) Still don't know what to get J for Christmas...eek.
8) Colleens dad is still be a douche.  This one I will elaborate on.

Colleen's dad called me and asked if I would negotiate time for money.  In other words he would spend more time with her (in theory) if I would reduce his child support obligation.  Oh heck no.  I wouldn't have taken so much child support if he had spent time with her in the first place, duh.  I will not entertain any further discussions of this nature...ever.

Earlier this week, he asked if he could get Colleen Thursday (today) from 4-8 pm.  So I thought he just wanted to spend some extra time with her, with ulterior motives, I'm sure.  Anyway, it turns out he wanted her Thursday because he isn't going to be in town this weekend, but of course didn't bother to tell me.  I had to find out through Simone's grandparents, wtf?  He was going to ditch her on his mother without even asking Colleen what she wanted to do or without telling either of us that he wasn't going to be in town.  Colleen does not want to go to his mothers and wound up crying herself to sleep last night.  She said she wasn't going anywhere this weekend if he wasn't going to spend time with her, so I guess she will be staying home.  He will also be missing her Christmas dance recital.  He asked Simone's grandfather to tape it for him.  For someone with no balls when it counts he sure has some balls when it comes to asking Simone's grandparents to do shit for him and I don't know how many times I've told him not to ask them favors as they are "technically" no relation to Colleen and they owe him nothing.  What a P.O.S!  Oh and the reason he won't be in town...His crazy whore wife wants to go to New York for their anniversary.  But you know, they are soooo broke.  Wonder where that money is coming from? 

Is this crap ever going to end?  Colleen is starting to realize that her father sucks, it's hard for her but I hope soon she just stops wanting to have anything to do with him.  She thought she was staying the night at his house tonight and she told me she didn't want to but didn't know how to tell her dad.  She was quite relieved when I told her she would only be visiting him for a few hours.

I really just wish I could find a way to stop all this nonsense and protect her from her fathers stupidity but the only way to do that is to keep her from having any contact with him and that would hurt her too (but I think she'd get over it pretty fast.)  I really hope she isn't scarred later in life due to her fathers bullsh*t.

Oh, one last thing.  I love how he can't rearrange his schedule to spend time with Colleen but anytime the crazy whore wife wants to go somewhere or do something, he doesn't seem to have any problems taking the entire weekend off of work.

Ok, I'm done.  It's so not worth getting all worked up about.  I know he is a d*ck, u know he is a d*ck, we all know it ain't gonna stop, so let's just deal.  Fun.

SuperChick, could you imagine if we got Colleen's father and PTM together...oh lordy!!

Have a great weekend all!

Well, I spent most of my weekend crying.  How was yours?

Friday night I had to take Colleen over to my sisters house at 8:30 pm so I asked J if he wanted to go with me and stop at the bar for a COUPLE drinks.  He got all snotty about it because he had to get up Saturday morning to go hunting.  He asked why I needed a drink so bad that I couldn't wait til Saturday?  Well, excuse me!  I never said I needed a drink, I wanted one dammit.  I knew he would be gone all day Saturday and by Saturday night he would wind up falling asleep on the couch and we wouldn't be going anywhere.  All I wanted was to go do something with him for an hour, sheesh.  So I said Saturday night was fine because he said he would be back around 5 pm, then he would take a nap and then go out.  (yeah, right.)  We did wind up going out Friday but I was so mad by then I couldn't enjoy myself.  While we were at the bar his uncle and some guys J knows came into the bar.  He turns and says to me "I'll be right back."  An hour later he is still talking to these guys.  I am standing all by myself with out a drink (he had the money) and looking pissy, I'm sure.  His friend says something about me standing by myself...then J invites me over.  I just shook my head NO.  What the hell.  Why didn't J think about me, do I really need his friends looking out for me.  He finally meandered his way over shortly after that.  We had a couple more drinks and went home. 

Saturday morning he got up and went hunting.  I got up around 9:30 am because he wanted me to make my yummy potato soup for him, his dad, his brother, his uncle, and their hunting buddy.  Just what I wanted to do with the only free time I had all weekend.  So I make his damn soup, it took me 4 hours to make!  J showed up around 1 pm and then my sister showed up with Colleen.  Everybody had a bowl of soup then my sister left, then J left to go back out hunting.  Colleen's dad was supposed to pick her up at 3 pm.  He showed up at 4 pm.  I figured J would be home in an hour so I still couldn't go do what I wanted to.  He didn't show up until 7 pm!  When he got home, I was mad again.  I had all day to stew on what happened Friday night and how I wasted my day off on other people.  Then I asked him if he was going to take the soup over to camp and he said "they don't want it, they already ate."  Are you Effing kidding me?  The tears just started rolling then and kept on rolling until about 1 am.  He asked what was wrong but how do you explain something that you know will sound stupid and "girly" to a guy.  Times like this I just clam up, nothing will come out of my mouth and it made him mad.  How dare he be mad at me because I was upset and it was kinda his fault.  ugh.  He kept asking if it was because he was gone all day.  No, I knew he'd be gone all day.  It was that I couldn't be gone all day, for one I have no money to go anywhere and can't be wasting gas, two, I don't know where I would have gone but I did want to take the Taco dog on the nature trails for a walk, three, I'm jealous he has a hobby he can go do and I have nothing, and four, I always have to work around someone else's schedule, no one ever works around mine.  So if you haven't guessed, we didn't go out Saturday night. I sat on one end of the couch and cried and J sat on the other and ignored me, then he took a shower, then I took a shower and when I got back downstairs he was sleeping.  After a while he got up and went to bed without saying a word to me.  I eventually went up to bed but he just moved over and put his back to me.  Then the dog started freaking out barking at something outside so I got up to see what the deal was and let him out.  Then I went back to bed but the dog got started up again so I just went downstairs and slept on the couch with the dog. 

Sunday morning J comes downstairs dressed in camo.  Where the hell was he going now?  I asked but he ignored me.  He finally came in the room I was in and asked if I was going to tell him why I was all pissy.  I told him and he said that he would take the soup home with him so it wouldn't be wasted and he apologized for bing a dickhead Friday night "he didn't think I wanted to stand around and listen to everyones hunting stories," (because that is so much worse than being ignored and standing alone without even a drink to occupy my time.)  He said he had to clean out the deer his dad shot on Saturday and then take it over to camp then he asked if I wanted to go get his tree stand with him.  Uh not really but I guess if it is the only time I get to spend with him this weekend that I should go.  He didn't get back from camp until 11:30 am.  Then we went to get his stand...it took us an hour.  My ass and ankles hurt so bad today from all the walking through the woods.  My winter boots suck, I can't bend my ankles in them, but it is a good butt workout.  We went to the bar for lunch and a couple drinks after that.  Then it was home to hit the showers.  After our showers we talked and made up.  He went home at 10 pm last night. 

God, this relationship stuff is hard. I really don't have any problems with his hunting, it is just hard when  I only see him on the weekends and during hunting season he is either out doing that or sleeping.  I was getting pretty excited because deer season is over next Saturday but then J remembered that he could go down to my "hay-guy's" property and hunt deer on his farm tags.  Sonofabitch. 

So I guess everything is ok now.  And month-end rush is over at work, thank goddess.  Now I have to do the weekly report and the monthly cost of sales report.  Yuck, but I can take my time as long as it is done by Friday.  The bonus period also ended so I really hope that my boss is all caught up on inventory and gets our bonuses out on time, the Friday before Christmas.  Our Christmas party is this Friday, I'm kind of looking forward to it and J is going with me so at least I will get a little bit of time out of him this weekend.  Tomorrow I am going shopping for something to wear.  It isn't formal so I'm just going to get myself a new pair of jeans ( I need some really bad and can wear them more than once a year,) and a new shirt to go under my purple corduroy jacket that I bought two years ago for the Christmas party and I have shoes to match the jacket that I bought at the same time.  I plan on taking a camera so maybe I will have some pictures.  I might go get my hair re-layered before then to, we will have to see how the budget looks.

Well, I guess I should go get started on my reports.  The sooner I get done, the sooner my boss can get done and he better get done becuase if he screws us over like he did with the June bonus, some heads will be rolling.  Here's to a better week.

***Update***
The whole world is out to get me, I swear it.  I ran to the store today on my lunch break and when I came out, someone had hit (and run) the passenger side of my truck.  Holy f*ckin great.  If my insurance goes up because of this, I will kill someone.  Mark my words. 

Colleen's Dad Sucks.  Don't even want to talk about it right now.

Month-End Rush Sucks.

Fed-Ex's Website Sucks.

The End.

Not really but I feel a little better now.

I went to the Dr. to follow-up* on my glucose test and he wants me to start following this diabetic diet (no, I'm not diabetic.)  It is insane.  He wants me to eat every 2 hours.  In a typical day, this is my regular diet:

Breakfast:  Yogurt & Coffee
Lunch:  Jerky, Whole-Grain Crackers, Cheese (eaten throughout the work day)
Dinner:  Meat &  Veggie or Potato
Snack:  Popcorn (but I rarely snack)

Here is a sample of what the Dr. wants me to eat in a day and then he tells me that I will probably lose weight doing so, HA!

8 am  2 slices of bread w/one TBS diet margarine, 1 cup yogurt, 1 orange
10 am  1 cup cereal, 1/2 bagel w/one TBS peanut butter
12 pm  1 cup rice or pasta, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, 3 oz. meat
2 pm  1 cup low-fat soup, 1 small baked potato w/one tsp margarine
4 pm  1/2 cup baked beans, 1/2 cup peas, 3 oz. meat, 1/2 cup cooked vegetables, 1/2 cup fruit juice
6 pm  20 small peanuts, 1 cup raw veggies w/one TBS salad dressing

Does that sound like a butt-load of food to anyone else but me?  And what is up with all the carbs?  Sheesh.

Thanksgiving went well.  My bro and his wifey did an excellent job, surprisingly.  My adorable nephew gave me 12 back to back kisses but wouldn't kiss anyone else, suckas!  The weekend sucked though, I only left the house once and that was to go out to dinner Saturday night and then to Wal-Mart and The Boot Box to get J a new pair of hunting boots.  I was bored out of my freaking mind and J kept running off in preparations for the first day of Buck Season.  He did not get a deer, Simone's grandfather did though and he always gives it to me.  It was smaaaaall, but that is probably good because the freezer is still quite full.  J left to go home last night and it sucked, I miss him so much when he is not here, maybe someday things will change....

Well worked totally sucked today so I'm going to go screw-off for the last 1/2 hour.  See ya'll soon.


*Side Note:  My glucose level had dropped to 51 when they stopped the test.  I guess that is pretty low.  A normal fasting level is between 71 and 100.

I don't feel good.  At. All.  I had to go to the lab today and hang out for a 5 hour glucose test.  Well, I only made it for 4 of the hours.  At the 4th hour they took my blood again...for the 5th time, from the same vein.  I guess they didn't like the results because they called my doctor and he canceled the rest of the test.  The lab tech came running out into the waiting room carrying a juice box.  She shoves it at me "Here drink this, your blood sugar is way too low, then eat something."   I really don't know what they were expecting.  It is obvious I have low blood sugar or I wouldn't have been there.  So lets starve myself then you can can give me a sugar high and watch me crash out.  Fun times.  Oh and that orange "pop" glucose drink tastes like shit, you should really do something about that. 

I'm at work right now getting a couple things caught up so I'm not swamped tomorrow.  Should be an easy day though.  I've got a sales rep taking me out to lunch at noon and we will probably leave at 3 or 3:30 tomorrow.  Then a nice relaxing 4 day weekend.  Woohoo. 

J will be up Thursday night, my sister is taking Colleen Friday night and then she will go to her dads on Saturday.  Simone will be at her grand parents for the weekend starting Friday night so me and J will get to have some quality time.  I'm kinda mad at him right now.  I called him at noon because I was bored and not feeling well but he was busy at work and said he would call me when he got a chance to eat lunch.  He gets out of work at 3 and it is 3:39.  Anyone else think he forgot about me?  Grrrr. 

We will be going to my brothers for Thanksgiving which will be nice because I don't have to cook!  I am making dessert though.  Pumpkin pie and chocolate pudding pie.  My sister is in charge of the cheesy-potato casserole and the wine.  She is making a pan of cheesy-potato casserole just for me and J cuz she said she owed him some since he helped her out a couple times, once moving a stove and the other time he got her a burn barrel.  That was early summer, about time she paid up.

Here is the recipe, I highly recommend it:

- 1 30 oz. bag Ore-Ida® Country Style Hash Browns
- 1 can cream of chicken soup
- 2  cups sour cream
- 1½ teaspoon  salt
- 2 cups grated cheddar cheese (we use 3 cups)
- ¼ teaspoon pepper
- 2 cups crushed corn flakes
- 3  green onions, (tops and most of the green part), chopped (or regular onions)
- ¼ cup  butter or margarine melted

Mix soup, sour cream, salt, pepper, green onions and cheese in a large mixing bowl.
Add Ore-Ida® Country Style Hash Browns and stir to combine.
Place in greased 13x9 pan.
Top with butter and cornflakes mixed together.
Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes until bubbly around the edges.

I hope you all have a Happy Thanksgiving!

I've really got nothing.  I just feel like I should put something up here. 

I am thinking about moving my blog over to SuperChick and Nadine's neighborhood.  If anyone has any complaints about that let me know.  I think maybe a new atmosphere and format will spice things up and I might actually want to blog more often than I do now. 

I can't believe next week is Thanksgiving already!  J will not be joining us for dinner as he will be eating with his family in Pittsburgh.  He will be up later in the evening and he is probably staying through the following Wednesday so he can hunt.  He will probably not be up on Christmas either.  It is so stupid that it is on a Tuesday!  And we don't get any additional days off but I will probably take Monday as a vacation day as I only have from Friday evening until Monday evening to get ALL of my Christmas shopping done.  Actually I will have to come in Monday morning to do payroll and then I will be off to do the last minute shopping.  At least Christmas is not at my house this year.  Hollee shit, I just realized that I will have to have J's Christmas present by Sunday night so I can give it to him before he heads home.  I have NO IDEA WHAT SO EVER as to what to get him for Christmas.  I wanted to get him a gun safe and I found one online for $600 which is a great price because in the stores they start close to $1000 but online they wanted $250 for shipping.  HELL NO.  I really don't even want to spend the $600.  He may just wind up with new tires for the quad.  Of course this all depends on my budget, which is hella tight and there is no way to know how much my bonus will actually be.  I already know what I am getting the girls, my nephew and my mom, it's just hoping it is all in stock when I can actually go get it since ordering online is out of the question unless I get next day shipping on everything and that would be soooo expensive and you know something wouldn't get here in time anyway. 

I'm getting my mom a new watch, a gift certificate to a spa, a gift certificate for clothes and a hamper (that's everything that was on her list.)  Well actually she wanted a nightgown but I will get her the clothes GC and she can pick out her own and she wanted a gift certificate for something fun (e.g. hair, nails, tanning, shoes, facial, massage, etc.) so the spa GC should cover some of those.  I'm getting the girls stuff for their bedroom (matching comforters, sheets, curtains, throw rug, lamp, etc.), no toys, they didn't play with anything they got last year so I'm not wasting my money buying a bunch more crap to clutter up my house, I will leave that up to the other family members.  And I'm getting my nephew clothes.  For his birthday I was told that everyone was getting him clothes so I got him toys, well so did everyone else.  He only got one outfit for his birthday and that was from Simone's grandmother.  So, he gets clothes, easy peasey.  And that is everyone I have to shop for.  I love drawing names instead of having to buy everybody something.  My sister-in-law got me, which is scary and I think J told her to get me a gift certificate for clothes.  I hope he told her Old Navy because I want to shop somewhere new, the only stores we have here for clothes are Wal-mart and K-mart, Value City and Peebles.  Peebles is too expensive, Value City is shady, and K-mart and Wal-mart have boring clothes. And there is a good chance that if they get me a Wal-mart GC I will wind up spending it on groceries or something and that is no fun.  I'm not sure what J has in mind for me but I think it's a Dyson Vacuum cleaner.  Yes, I need a new vacuum cleaner but that is certainly not my  idea of a great Christmas present.  Of course, I really don't know what  I would really want.  Except...you know.  But I don't see it happening, so I won't even think about it. 

Well, I definitely rambled on longer than I thought I would so I guess I should shut up and go do some work related type stuff.  Happy Hump-day.

Last night was Colleen's award ceremony for winning the Fire Prevention Poster Contest at school.  Gawd, it was so stupid.  I drove 20 miles in the dark, in the rain for 10 whole minutes of dumbness.  We got there about 7:20 pm and the ceremony was to start at 7:30 pm.  It didn't start until 7:35 pm and we were back in the truck by 7:45 pm.  Bah!  There are 3 elementary schools in the district, C, S and M.  Colleen goes to M.  They called the winners from each elementary school to the middle of the board room, handed them an envelope, took their picture as a group, told them to sit down and then called the next school up.  When it was over I asked if we could take pictures of our child with their poster and they said "No, we have to get on with our board meeting."  Are you freaking kidding me?  It would have taken a whole 5 minutes maximum!  Stupid school board and their bullshit, all talking about how it is important to recognize the students and their efforts.  Yeah, whatever, they didn't even say whose poster was whose.  They just put all the posters up with their names on a piece of paper but it still didn't say which poster was whose and they didn't even let us get a good look at the posters.  They had them hanging on the wall behind the board members so you couldn't get close to them.  Stupid.  And the kids were supposed to get $25 gift cards to Wal-Mart, instead they got a check for $25 in their name.  Now, you tell me, how is a 7 year old supposed to get a check cashed?  Ugh.  Then I got to drive 20 miles home in the rain, in the dark, with a headache.  I will have to go to the school to take a picture of her with her poster or wait until she brings it home and hope it doesn't get ruined on the bus. 

Not much else going on, the weekend was pretty low key.  J and I did go to Red Lobster for dinner Saturday night and that was about the highlight of the weekend.  No big exciting plans for this weekend either.

The crazy bitch called Sunday and asked about getting Colleen on Wednesday before Thanksgiving, keeping her over night and then having a 1 o'clock lunch on Thanksgiving then bringing her home.  I told her it was fine and since we were on the phone I brought up the fighting issue.  She acted like she was all upset with herself about it but I'm not buying it because it keeps happening.  Maybe not every weekend but even once a month or two is too much.  She kept saying she didn't want to fight with me...blah blah.  I'm not trying to fight, I'm just saying that if it keeps up then Colleen won't be going over there anymore.  She said I couldn't keep her from her father and I said "I don't want to keep her from her father, I want to keep her away from you and your anger issues."  Ha.  She then said she loves Colleen like her own.  Oh, that just about pissed me off.  For one, you know its a lie and for two, I'm her mom, not you, bitch.  But being the non-confrontational person that I am, I just let it slide knowing that she sucks and I don't.  I'm getting all fired up.  She also said that I "got what I wanted ($) and now they have no money and that I don't care about her family."  I'm sorry, am I supposed to care about her family.  Yeah, didn't think so.  Ok, I'm done with that since I'm just starting to ramble incoherently and things are turning red.

So, it's supposed to start snowing here tonight.  WAAAHHHHH!!!  I'm flying south! (I wish)  Just north of here got 3-4 inches of snow last night.  It is windy, cold, raining and nasty outside.  We are supposed to have snow tonight with thunder and lightning, that is going to be so cool though.  I hope it happens while I'm still awake, I'd hate to miss it because I was sleeping.  I love me a freaky storm.  I just hope there is no accumulation.  Cause snow can bite it!  The deck was all icy this morning and Taco ran out of the house this morning and his booty was sliding all over the place, it was quite hilarious. 

Well, I'm going to go find something to entertain me for the next two hours and then I'm outta here.  Work sucks today.

You know, since I've taken care of the previous post's unpleasantness, things have been good.  Surprisingly.  Of course I do have that nagging feeling that Colleen's dad is "out to get me."  I don't know if it is that possibility that he could try to get custody or what.  I'm not worried that he would actually get custody...more so dreading the huge pain in the ass that it would be. 

Did you notice the pictures in the album?  Yes, I finally got curtains.  And so true to form...I don't think the color was the best choice.  My flooring doesn't really match the walls as it is and they don't match the curtains either.  Ugh, oh well, I'm NOT going through the pain of ordering new ones.

I took my truck to the garage this morning and the bill only came to $127.10!  I've never been so happy to spend money.  I was thinking it would be at least twice that and that was if they didn't tell me I needed a new wheel bearing immediately.  I got new brake pads on the rear, an oil change and they ran diagnostics on it because the check-engine light was on but it turned out to be "a rare misfire."  They didn't find anything wrong with it so they just reset the light and didn't charge me for the scan "since I'm such a loyal customer."  The wheel bearing hasn't gotten any worse either so I can hold off on that for a little while and they will just check it every time I have my oil changed. 

J will be up tomorrow after I get out of work.  We don't have any plans for this weekend except he will be going hunting with my brother on Saturday.  Colleen decided she will be going to her dad's this weekend.  We will see how that goes.  Of course he did bribe her by telling her that he has "surprises" for her.  I'm sure it is nothing exciting so she will probably be disappointed and I will have to play damage control as usual. 

I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday because I've been having some spells that lead me to believe that I am hypoglycemic.  My brother is, so it's no surprise.  They said I'd probably have to meet with a dietitian and start eating 6 small meals a day instead of 3.  I've been trying but it's tough thinking of stuff to take to work with me and I'm still programed to eat a normal dinner but I need to reprogram that I guess.  They decided they would run tests on a bunch of other stuff too like thyroid, cholesterol, cortisol (always abnormally high,) and some other hormones.  I should get those results tomorrow.  I'm not too concerned, we've done all this before.  They sent me to the specialist once for the cortisol thing but they didn't find anything abnormal except the I have high cortisol...duh.  Of course, cortisol is a stress hormone and we all know that I have NO stress!  (copious amounts of sarcasm in that statement.)

Well, I've spent most of my evening hanging curtains so I need to get some more stuff done before I hit the hay. 

Happy November (already!)

Wow, so much to talk about but I just haven't been feeling up to it.  The domestic relations hearing was Thursday and I took him to the cleaners.  Well, I took the full amount the state said I was entitled to.  It's been an internal struggle since then.  My body is fighting itself between feelings of guilt, spite, rage, confusion, etc.  I know I did what is best for me and Colleen and that is all that should matter but I can't help but feel a little bad.  We both make about the same amount of money and I just took him for 25% of his monthly income, which doesn't include the $300 a month he pays for his first child (whom he has no contact with) (I'm getting more than that)  plus he has  a kid at home and two step-sons.  I told him if he is struggling so much that his wife should get a full time job and take her ex-husband for as much child support as she can and that they probably qualify for subsidized daycare and there is always public housing available which is income based rent.  I figure if I had to do it, so should he, that or starve.  Of course he wanted to negotiate the amount but I told him he had a month to talk to me about it and not once did he mention, instead he had his wife call and threaten me with a lawyer.  That is not negotiating and it was to late to start. 

I told him that Colleen did not want to stay at his house this past weekend and of course he had to call and try to guilt her into which left her in tears again.  I can't remember if I posted about the previous weekend but Colleen was at her dads and the crazy bitch wife decided it would be a good time to fight with Colleen's father again.  She was slapping him, calling him names, and told Colleen to pack her stuff in a box.  Now, I know damn well I discussed this with him before and this was nice fuel to send me into the Domestic Relations hearing with.  Well, the fighting is the reason that Colleen didn't want to stay at his house and I'm glad that she told him so.  I feel she made a very wise, adult decision to stay home and instead of respecting that he made her feel bad about it.  Grrrr. 

Enough of that pooh.  I'm so over it.  So Saturday was the Halloween parade and I totally forgot to take my camera and they would have been repeats of last year because once again it poured buckets.  It was wet and miserable but not too terribly cold.  I felt so bad for the girls for having to be out there dancing around in it.  I did my best to dress them warmly and they both refused a poncho and man were they soaked by the end of it.  Simone went off with her grandparents and I stripped the outer layer off Colleen and wrapped her in a fleece sheet once we got to the truck.  We swung through McD's for a chicken nugget happy meal and some hot chocolate and then stopped at WalMart to buy her a hoodie to help warm her for the ride home.  I was so proud of her though for sticking it out for the whole parade.  She looked adorable in her costume and of course I forgot hte camera trick or treat night so I might have her dress up in it one more time so I can get a couple pictures. 

Remember how those curtains I ordered didn't match...well I returned them and ordered a new set in a different color.  They came the other day and guess what?  They don't match either.  UGH!  One of them is right and the other one is soooo off.  The right one is a soft brown and the other is almost orange.  I think I will hold on to them...order another set...and hope that 2 of the 4 match and then I will return the two that don't.  How ridiculous is all this?  I even wrote on the order to "make sure the fabric matches."  Not only is the packer at JCP's colorblind...they are also illiterate.  Christ! 

So the Check-Engine-Light came on in my truck Saturday.  Happy Joy.  It already needs rear brakes, an oil change and a wheel bearing.  Now this.  Every time I think I might be getting ahead, something/someone has to knock me right back into the red again. 

Is it possible to quit life...you know, without like dying or something?

 This weekend started out pretty darn good.  I got to spend tons of time with J doing stuff other than sitting on the couch and watching mindless television. 
Friday night we went out to dinner at the bar and stuck around for beverages and karaoke.  Saturday we went to a gun raffle and then his aunt called and invited us to go to Erie on a haunted trolley ride, they had 2 extra tickets.  So we drove up there and I returned my mismatched curtains to JC Penneys then we got lost and showed up just as the trolley was arriving.  It was okay...not terribly spooky but it was something to do.  After the ride we went to J's aunt and uncle's camp and watched a movie and bullshitted until 1:30 in the morning.  Sunday we made beef jerky, went out to lunch and took the Taco Dog for a 1 1/2 hour walk through the wildlife refuge.  We got back to the house right before the girls got home and that is where it all went down hill.

A couple weeks back Colleen's dad asked if he could take Colleen trick or treating or maybe switch off half way through.  I told him no because I had already made plans to take her with my Uncle and sister and besides, by the time I get home, get the girls into costumes, get them something to eat and get back into town, T-or-T has already started and it is only for an hour and half and I am not going to wait for him to get her back to my Uncles.  I told him he should take her to a town that has T-or-T on a different night, which he agreed to.  Well he called me a couple days ago and said he couldn't take her a different night because of the Halloween parade (that she is in) is on Saturday night.  So I pretty much told him "tough."  So instead of just accepting it, he asked Colleen who she would rather go with.  Of course, this upset her because she didn't want to choose between us.  And she shouldn't have to.  Also, her dad told her about a Halloween party at the YMCA that she could go to but she didn't know when it was and she was worried that she wouldn't get to go T-or-T or to the parade.  So she was upset about that too and then she tells me that her dad and his wife (crazy bitch) were fighting again, that crazy bitch was slapping her dad, calling him names and that she told Colleen to pack her stuff and for her and her father to get out of the house.  (Here we go again.)  So Colleen calls her dad to find out when the party is and she is on the phone crying so I took the phone away from her and asked her father about the YMCA party (it is Saturday morning) and I asked if he would be bringing her back home afterward so I could get her ready for the parade.  He said "Why can't I get her ready for the parade?"  Why? WHY?  I dunno, do you have anything to do with her dance?  No!  Did you ever even pay me back for the recital tickets from last year?  No!  Did you spend over 10 hours of your time on the internet trying to find her a zebra costume (I did win the auction)?  No!  Did you even bother getting her a costume for the Halloween party you took her to on Saturday?  No!  Did you spend an entire evening making a mask and tail?  No!  Did you get blisters on your fingers from hot glue while making them?  No!  Did you contribute any money to the actual costume or mask/tail supplies?  No!  So NO you can not get her ready for the parade!  It is kinda my thing now!  And then of course I went over the same lecture about them fighting and I got the same lame responses as usual and it is to the point where I just don't want her going over there anymore.  And I think I will be calling the crazy bitch to give her the same lecture I have given Colleens father a hundred times about the fighting.  Not that it will do again but I need to vent.  Maybe she thinks it is ok to have violent fights in front of her children but it is soooo not ok for her to do it in front of mine.  Arrrrrrrggggghhhh!  Thursday is the domestic relations hearing, maybe that will make me feel better.  Probably not, it won't make her father disappear, unfortunately.  *deep breaths*

On a good note, Colleens fire safety poster won, out of all the second graders in the school district.  There will be an awards ceremony on Nov 5th and she gets a gift card to Wal-Mart for being a winner.  I will take a picture of the poster at the awards ceremony to show off here.  I need to go do some yoga or something now, I'm all fired up. 

Have a good day.

At 9 pm tonight the costume hunt will be over.  Hopefully.  I have an ebay bid in for a cute dance outfit that just so happens to have a zebra print top and I spent my Monday night making a mask and tail from felt and hot glue.  Which left me with a lovely blister and an even lovelier mask and tail.  I have posted the pics (bad cell phone ones) in my photo album along with the outfit that I better win!  Colleen has to wear this costume lots so I'm really hoping it all works out well.  She has a Halloween party this Saturday, then on Thursday she has a party at school and it is trick or treat night, then on Saturday is the parade.  The costume better hold up until then or I will cry...lots. 

J came up on Friday and left last (Tuesday) night.  Truthfully, it kind of sucked.  Mostly because I didn't get to spend much time with him at all!  Friday he ws at the house for not quite an hour and then left with his brother to go pick up a gun, they were gone for over 3 hours, then when he got home he wanted to go to bed.  Saturday he got up at 5 and went hunting with my brother, they didn't get back until 3:30 then he napped on the couch.  When he finally did get up he disappeared into the garage to clean his kill.  He came inside, took a shower, put in a movie, fell asleep, woke up half way through the movie I was watching and asked me if I was ready for bed.  Hello!?!? I'm watching a movie.  On Sunday he didn't get up until 12:30 pm and then we went grocery shopping, and then the rest of the day was filled with him dozing on and off on the couch and stupid tv.  On Monday he asked me to set the alarm for 5 am so he could get up and hunt.  I set the alarm and then proceeded to hit snooze until my alarm to get up to go to work went off.  So, I was the one up at 5 am and he never did get up until I did.  Grrrr.  Then Monday night when I got home he was out hunting again with my bro so I got started right away on making a nice big dinner and making the mask and tail for Colleen.  He had told me he would be home around 6, he didn't show up until 7:30 pm.  THen after he ate he went and laid on the couch and watched tv while I finished up the mask, cleaned up from dinner and did dishes.  By this time I was quite angry.  It was after 9 pm before I could sit down.  We watched more crap on tv while sitting on opposite sides of the room and then we went to bed without speaking to one another.  I was so frustrated from not getting to spend time with him and working my butt off for everyone but me while he played all day.  It was so bad that I didn't even want to go home last night even though I knew he would be leaving.  Luckily when I got home he was actually there and not hunting and he had done the dishes up that wouldn't fit in the dishwasher from dinner the night before and he even scrubbed out the sink.  So I was feeling a little better about it so I laid on the couh with him and he gave me a backrub and then told me to go up and change into my jammies and just relax.  Sweet, I didn't even have to cook dinner.  I'm really glad his stay ended on a good note.  He even gave me the 100 bucks I needed for my 1/3 of beef.  Yes, we sent T-Bone off to the butcher.  In total we have 830 lbs. of beef, 210 of it being ground beef.  That is a hella lot of burger.  I have a feeling I will be getting jipped out of a whole 1/3 because my chest freezer just isn't big enough and my fridge freezer is packed full of chicken, a 14 lb turkey, frozen veggies from the garden, what is left of the pigs we processed last year, and other misc. stuff.  It is gonna be great not having to buy meat for the next year, at least.  Only thing that sucks is that I won't have room for a deer this year but that is ok because if I get one I am going to send it out for processing and getting it turned into jerky and deer bologna.  Yum. 

Well, it is time for lunch, have a good one y'all.

I've been pretty negative lately so I'm going to do this again.  Last fall around this time, I believe, I made a list of things I am loving right now.  So here is my list...it may be small, we will see:

1. Pumpkin Spice Cappuccino is back!
2. The new show on TV, "Pushing Daisies", it's cute.  Love the "Pie Hole." Hee.
3. Taco is getting better, much less scratching.
4. My bedroom is clean and organized.
5. Damn, that's all I got without the obligatory...me, kids, family, relationship, blah blah are all healthy and good.

My list of dislikes is much longer but we won't go there tonight.

So I guess it was a good thing that I took the Taco Dog to the vet.  Turns out that him scratching so much due to his allergies gave him a staff infection.  He is now on antibiotics for 14 days and Prednisone for 10.  It wound up costing me $85, so my phone bill doesn't get paid right now but at least it didn't have to go on the credit card and I have $7.02 till Friday.  Bah Humbug.

I know that I have mentioned The West Virginia Surf Report on here before but I forgot to tell you that Taco made the website.  Check it out here.

Not much else to report today.  I'm finishing up the paint/stain/polyurethane around the sliding glass doors tonight.  Can't wait till that is done.  I received my curtains from J.C. Penneys and the mothers don't match.  Wtf is up with that?  One drape is lighter then the other and the lighter one is fugly.  So, I guess I have to drive the 45 minutes to the nearest J.C. Penneys and exchange the ugly one myself so I make sure they don't send me crap again.  Ugh.  I guess while I'm at the mall I'll shop for Colleen's costume.  Her dance class will be in the Halloween Parade and they are "Lion King" themed.  Lion King was so 10 years ago, how am I supposed to find a damn costume?  I guess technically they can be any African animal, but still, they don't make a lot of "animal" costumes for anyone above the 3-24 month age group.  Any crafty folks out there want to make one and UPS it to me?  I'll let work pay for the shipping.  No?  Darn. 

Well, it's getting to be the end of the work day so I'm off to play some games or some shit. 

I'm so ticked off right now I can't possibly get any work done so I will blog instead. 

My wonderdog Takeo, has horrible flea allergies.  For this, he gets baths weekly with medicated shampoo, expensive lamb meal and rice food, brewers yeast supplements & flea drops.  When it gets out of control the vet gives him Prednisone.  Well, it's getting pretty bad and he is scratching like crazy, his hair is starting to fall out, and he is covered in bumps and scabs.  So this morning I call the vet and ask if I can get some pred.  Well, they won't give it to me because he is due for his fecal and yearly wellness exam.  Dammit, I can't afford that right now.  I really really can't.  They are having a s